And so this most intriguing match reaches its last, climactic over. With everything still to play for the cricketing gods have seen fit to pit against each other for this deciding confrontation two greats of the modern game, Miles Manley and Archie Spunkton.
Spunkton's at the crease taking guard in his unorthodox yet surprisingly effective legs akimbo stance, the epitome of steely determination and focus. What he wouldn't give right now for a loose delivery wide of leg stump that he could steer between silly short leg and backward square for a match winning boundary.
At the bowler's end it's Manley with ball in hand weighing up his options. He knows Spunkton has a weakness for a bit of rough in front of his crease but he won't want to offer him the easy option of a forward defensive stroke. So what will he send down? A wrong 'un, a flipper or a floater, a chinaman, a long hop or a full toss?
Right, here it comes, the first ball of the final over .....
Oh I say! Manley's done for Spunkton with a real devilish one tossed off the wrist that swung both ways and reared up off the seam. As Spunkton bent down to take it on the up he mistimed his pull stroke to leg letting the ball slip 'through the gate', brushing his shaft and catching him full on the left bollock.
Looks like Spunkton's in a spot of trouble and I'm not sure he'll be able to carry on. The medic's at the crease now with the sponge but it doesn't seem to be helping much and I think ... yes, she's gesturing back to the pavilion for a truss.
Spunkton's going to have to retire but ... wait ... what's this? The Umpire's given him out Ball Before Wicket! That's quite unprecedented and ... oh dear, Spunkton's lost it completely. He's furious with the Umpire and ejaculating vociferously right in his face. But the Umpire's having none of that, the decision stands and Spunkton's just going to have to swallow it.
It's very disappointing to see Manley's team seeming to revel in Spunkton's evident discomfort. They've broken into a rendition of that old wartime ditty sung to the tune of the Colonel Bogey March: "Hitler has only got one ball, Himmler has two but very small, Gimmler has something sim'lar, but Archie Spunkton's got no balls at all."
That's in very poor taste I have to say, and factually incorrect. The worst case scenario is that Spunkton'll just be one shy of a matched pair and he might have to work on his stance to compensate for being a tad lighter on his left side.
So in this final of the inaugural boxless limited over competition, a game of such tight margins and even tighter whites, Miles Manley's side has edged it by three ruptures with five balls to spare. What a match this has been! A game of two halves and each one more engrossing than the other ... you just couldn't make it up [Ed: Ahem].
As Manley and those of his team who aren't receiving emergency first-aid embark on their victory lap, we're hearing that Spunkton's on his way to the hospital for possible reconstructive surgery on his mangled left testicle. He'll be back, I'm sure of that. He's not nicknamed 'Spunky' for nothing!
[Ed: In the weeks after the match this even more salacious jibe about the losing team has been doing the rounds: "Spunkton has only got one ball, Monkton has two but very small, Stanwood has lost his manhood, and poor old Nobles has no balls at all."]
Manley vs Spunkton
Transcript of a live cricket match commentary